Dear Nick,
I think it is funny that you demanded a letter from me. I am now so on the spot that I have writers block, or dads block, or Mr. Spock. Rhymes with cock. Hmmm. How come it always goes back to sex? Don’t know.
I admire you Nick. You have a great outlook on life. I like this about you. Sure you are going through some serious changes right now, learning how to be ‘of the world’ can be frightening, but I believe you will come out the other side stronger, more centered, and with bigger balls. It is very easy to get disillusioned, don’t go there. You know better than that. You have faith, the idea that something bigger and better is working all around us. Unseen and mostly unknown, this force of life carries our burdens as we watch the world burn.
The Buddhists have a way of looking at life that I find very appealing, however frightening, you see the idea is that all life is a flame, a fire, burning. Consuming itself, infinitely. The fuel for this flame is life itself. We are born, we live, we die. Our dead rotting carcass provides food for the fire, which flames-up consumes us and the next ones are in line to live and die. Life is the edge of the flame, constantly expanding, constantly consuming itself. I like this idea. So much so that I had that painting put on my guitar case, the one that you have now. The hand of God holding the burning flames, in which we dance our short love, grow, rise up, and perish. To me this is the essence of our existence. Living here with the constant reminder that all we do will perish, all we are will linger for just a moment, bloom into a glorious, beautiful glimmer of love, and then fall to the ground as peat, moistened with the love of creation, and nutrients for the next generation. This, my friend, is LIFE!.
Did I tell you that I admire you? And that I love you? I pray for you. I ask God to protect you and light your path. I ask him to bring you into the presence of others who will shelter you and love you as I do. May the peace of God find you now, smiling with the knowledge of your bigger self. May your love multiply and fly over distant horizons, into worlds unknown, for purposes hidden behind the smile of God. Bless you.
By the way, congratulations on your almost graduation from college. I have a great admiration for your accomplishment. You are a very interesting person with all of your newly acquired knowledge. Plus, your religious education provides a context to hold all of this new knowledge in a perspective that few can claim. You are like a uniquely trimmed bonsai tree, glorious in a small shiny planter. That’s a good thing.
So, these paragraphs are very disjointed. Each one could be a chapter the tiny book of my heart. :~)
The next day: Trying to write a letter on the spot is demanding, difficult work. My brain sputters to life, the gears winding up, clicking, and then the ideas start like a drip of the faucet, one swelling thought comes up, grows, and falls out, splattering onto the page like a moist blemish. I love words. I think they like me too.
So, I am a bit concerned about your sudden immersion into all things “worldly”. I hope you are somewhat careful with yourself. You have to take it slow, too much too soon is dangerous. Please, always be true to yourself. Your Self is what matters most. Not in a selfish greedy way, but in a bigger-than-you-know way. The Self, as Jung described it, is a living, interdependent, interconnected, autonomous reality. Hidden behind the mundane, everyday comings and goings of our little world. You know more about the Self than most of your generation. Hold onto that knowledge, it is what is real; Expand that knowledge, don’t give up. This other stuff, the world-stuff if you will, is just a distraction from our true Self. Don’t get me wrong, I think it is very good that you are getting a rounded education, but don’t sacrifice your true Self for this worldy crap. The world always will let you down. The Self NEVER lets you down. It is a life preserver in the perverted seas of this effed up world.
Sometimes, I wish I could take leave of my life circumstance and just wander off. There are so many places I want to see. So many people I want to know; So many songs to write. I feel like I am in a raging river current, swift and powerful, the water carries me at its’ pace, not mine. I am carried over, I am carried under. I am carried through. Against my will I am thrashed on rocks, whipped with overhanging branches. Ouch! Ouch! It hurts me daddy! Life does not take NO for an answer.
So are you thrilled by my letter? Are you happy I am sitting here in my underwear, stinky from the nights toss and turn, pecking on this keyboard, forcing my mind to keep up the pace? This may be one of those epic father/son letters, the kind that change lives. You never know.
I want this letter to be about 25 pages long, I want to spill all that I have onto this page, I want all of this but I am sure that soon my Will will wither (I love the will will thing) and I will come to the end of my motivation, ideas and thoughts afforded to me by my big ass brain. Or maybe it’s just a teensy brain with big ideas, not sure about that one.
Hey, make sure you go see the church with the Clementine sun dial. I couldn’t find it in the google, but I know it is in Rome, somewhere, waiting for you and your lovely blue eyes. Here are some places I would recommend, after you see the sundial. Piazza De Popolo, there are two churches, must see the one on the right. St. Angelo’s Castle, the popes castle, Of course, Sistine Chapel, St. Peters, and in the Vatican, there is this cool spiral staircase, designed by Devinci (I think). Walk it, be it. Drink espresso, have some pasta, and if you can take it go te Via Sistina and find the restaurant that serves the Sucking Pig. GD that is sooooo goood. Oink Oink.
Well I think this is the 25th page of the letter. The longest, most thoughtful letter ever, I think. Yes, I do have a high opinion of myself, but that is just because of one inescapable truth, “God don’t make no junk”.
Be careful with yourself as you travel. Be kind but be shrewd, there are many people out there with one goal, they want to make you cry. Don’t give in, and don’t give up. Trust, but don’t be stupid. Love, but also keep your dignity. And most of all, be proud to be an American. I love you, always, I keep you in my fathers heart, and I pray for your safety and deliverance.
Love, Dad